Shanghai shenanigans.

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This summer, I went to China for a job. Tragically, I could not pack my skates as I left during a security alert and my laptop had to take up all the space in my luggage. I had also been told that only a madwoman or a fool would brave the insanity of Shanghai traffic on eight wheels. I obviously must be either, or possibly both. Upon arrival, I coolly examined the situation and rapidly came to the conclusion that Shanghai was perfectly skateable, with surfaces probably smoother than London (this is actually the case). Suddenly, getting a pair of skates became an imperative. Chairman Mao threatening to throw me into the Yangtze river on New Year’s Day would have weakened my resolve. The only obstacle was: how to find out where to purchase a pair of suitable “Magic Boots” when so severely verbally challenged? In China, even getting the taxi driver to understand your home address requires hours of practicing the pronunciation. Answer: just ask the global skating community. I knew I could get “Sebas” (quality brand name) in Asia. Magically, within an hour of posting my appeal on the web my inbox was teeming with phone numbers, email addresses, tips and a shop address – from the man himself, Sebastian Laffargue (French slalom champion who designs and produces the Seba skates). This is what skaters are like – worldwide. Count on them – you know you can.

I skated home that night. It was wonderful. A mere sixteen months after my first terrified attempt at pavement skating, there I was – steaming down the streets of Shanghai, scattering pedestrians as I passed, braving the potholes, rickshaws, hysterical policemen, reckless mopeds, distracted cyclists, runaway taxis, stray chickens, pigs’ heads, snake tails. Everyone is on a suicide skate in China, whatever their chosen mode of transport. Which, paradoxically, makes it perfectly okay to be on skates. Everyone is just as unpredictable as you. Your scant slaloming skills suddenly come in really quite handy. But although there is a thriving skating community in Shanghai (they taught me some Chinese while dodging cones together in Pudong) they just don’t do street skating. It is not so much against the rules as quite simply inconceivable. As a result, the entire population found the sight of me utterly hilarious. I had herds of Chinese folk, normally more glum than merry, splitting their sides as I glided by. I was proud of being of service to the community by provoking their unbridled mirth. The unanimous opinion was, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I was an idiot – but at least, a funny one.

Very importantly for female readers. Shanghai also confirmed to me that there is no real obligation to wear baggy pants when skating. When it’s too hot for that, or when glamour is required (as it usually is in that city) you can skate in a skirt and skimpy top, or in a wide-skirted dress (an evening frock, even – it’s been done). Then when you’ve reached your destination you take the skates off, put your sexy shoes on and join the party. The faces – priceless.

When I finished my work assignment in Shanghai, I packed my bags and toured the rest of China – on skates. Believe me – it’s the best way to travel.